Thanks for just being there.....

I know this may sound a bit dorky, especially when I'm writing this to anyone, but you've all truly touched my heart in someway.  Thankyou for just being there.  For reading about my life/work when you can, for commenting when you feel the desire to, or just to be inspired by what I do in some way.  For showing an interest in me, for making the effort to meet me, for telling others about my journey.  Just knowing that I can paint or write anything and have just one person see it is so uplifting.  It doesn't bother me if someone likes it or they don't - I just hope they walk away with some thought or feeling or just a reaction.

I have reached one of those pivotal moments in my life where change has been thrown at me, and I have to adjust in order to survive.  My partner, who was also my best friend, has chosen to follow a different path in life to me and it is time for me to follow my own 'yellow brick' road.  Thankfully I still have my pets for companionship, an amazing support network, and of course a roof over my head.  I do still worry over how long I can keep my home, as when one is in a long term relationship they don't always plan for an exit.  I estimate that I can live here for another 2-3 months at most, so this is the moment when I'm going to have to start pulling out all the stops to push the business to the next level.  It is no longer a matter of what I want to do, but rather what needs to be done and how quickly I can achieve it.  So I apologise now if I start to steam ahead too quickly with my illustrations/business goals for you to keep up with!

I've been thinking a lot the last few days and rewrote all of my aims & goals for the coming year.  My way of grieving and overcoming sadness is to keep busy and make lists.  So lists are what have been springing up all over the house!  I'm also happy to say that I've been rearranging furniture and spaces until it feels right.  I guess it almost feels like adjusting the Feng Shui to lift the spirit in the house and make it feel more full then empty.  My business is now split across two bedrooms, so I can close it off when I need to, and I have more of a relaxing zone across the remainder of the home.

So this is the start of my list -

1. Buy a car - needs to be a station wagon (to accomodate business needs like markets), within my budget, reliable, and feel right.
2. Establish a steady backup income to adjust for the slow retail periods.  Whilst my business was strong over the past year and Christmas period, I still need to pay bills/rent during the slow months.  It also doesn't help with the current economic crisis that the world is experiencing!  So I need to go out and supplement the income somehow as well as broaden my products to include more essential items.
3. Return to studying.  My aim this year is to really focus on painting and pushing my work to another level.  I feel like I'm still holding back - but I'm not sure how to 'crack' my inner creative spirit.  I start my final year of my arts degree in early February - five years after I partially completed it and I must admit that I'm feeling rather apprehensive!  I do hope though that the constant fighting with lecturers and working on new peices will help me to focus my style even further.  I know I'll be fighting because I am studying a Fine Art course and my work isn't quite 'Fine Art' but far more modern and most likely too stylised for their liking.
4. Apply for government benefits.  I'm partially through this step, but need to finalise my business records and tax before I can gain assistance.  I've never claimed any assistance in my life, but I've reached a time where I need to accept the help that has been setup for those in the same position as me.
5. Sell everything that I do not need - preferably through eBay.  I love eBay, I truly do - and I have mountains of clothes, craft items, DVD's, books and CD's to sell.  I wanted to start listing items today but unfortunately cannot find my camera charger anywhere!  There is no point in having items that do not fit/will never fit/do not suit in the wardrobe whilst having no money to purchase any food.
6. Expand the business. Twice a year I plan to revitalise the brand by discontinuing images/products and releasing new ones.  I also wish to extend images to cover all the 'kodak' moments of our lives like birthdays, births, weddings, deaths, graduations, easter, christmas, halloween etc.  My plans to extend to clothing lines and expand the stationery may not develop as quickly as I had envisioned, as I have no startup outlay of funds, but I do hope I can do these in the longer term.
7. Collaborate more.  I think collaborations are very important to an illustrator and really help my work grow futher then I could have ever envisioned it.  Whether it be with a publisher, or a magazine, or a toy company.  I enjoy reading proposals of what 'might be' and then seeing the end product always blows me away.  I also love to work with other artists/illustrators and hope to do some more group work in the near future.
8. Exhibit more both individually and within a group structure.  I guess for me exhibitions give me a way to share my work, gain constructive criticism, and push it further.  It also allows me to interact with a wider audience and other like minded people.  I have one exhibition confirmed in February that focuses on portraits, some work to go into a French gallery, and I hope to have a solo exhibition this year if I can find a suitable venue.  I would also like to have a few joint exhibitions with other creative minds.
9. Get fit.  Afterall, all my plans and dreams can't revolve solely around the business. I started hardcore fitness training before christmas, and whilst financially I cannot afford to continue, I have my bike and my dogs which I hope can help me gain my fitness back.  Afterall a healthy body means a healthy mind.
10. Last of all I aim to leave my cardboard box.  I am a loner, and I enjoy being on my own.  In fact being a cat lady in a haunted house down the street quite attracts me.  However I do realise that I'm only 27, not 87 and I need to talk and interact with other people just to stay sane.  I also enjoy hearing about other peoples lives and experiences.  So I aim to make an effort to talk to others and go out to social events.  I don't know how well I'll do, I get very nervous around large numbers of people, but I'm sure with some friends there as support they can help me through it.
11. Oh - and the extra special final aim.  Get a makeover!!  As soon as I can afford it I aim to get a dramatic radical haircut, just something to help me adjust to my new life.  It is times like this I wish I had friends who were hairdressers, or beauticians!

I've also started to research a little further on how to save money around the home and I'm going a little overboard on 'cost' cutting steps, but I'm quite enjoying it.  I'm going through old recipe books for new favourite meals that I can cook up in bulk, as well as researching the good old internet for recipes to make soap, shampoo and even conditioner.  I'm creating some new skirts that I can wear to art classes, as well as some aprons to help protect my clothes when I go overboard with the paint.  If you have any cost cutting suggestions at all that will help me - I'd love to hear them!!